WAKE UP COL!

26th Feb 2012 | 2 notes

I can never be brave.

I’m a fake. A phony. A smile that’s covering so much more. A person who’s pushing for greatness, when at the same time all I want is to give up and do the bare minimum. But why do I keep pushing through everything when I know that this is not me. I don’t even know who me is. I’m eighteen for crying out loud. Just a kid. A baby. I look around the world and I see kids trying to grow up too fast. I remember being young and wanting the same thing, to be old now. I wanted to be independent and make my own choices. Even at this age, I know that was foolish of me. I wish for nothing more than to be young and silly. To wake up and know that I have no responsibilities other than to be a child. I miss being a child so much, it hurts. I cry knowing that I screwed up and grew up too fast. Too fast for anyone. I feel like I’m thirty years old and married, when I’ve barely been with my boyfriend for a year. I’ve lost the friends that I spent all of high school making in less than a year. The one that I still have lives in Victoria, and it feels like that’s years away. My BFF4L and I don’t click anymore. In high school, we were inseparable but now, it feels like I’m losing her just like I lost Cristina. Loosing people like that is like losing half of you. I made friends with people who knew me. Who understood every part of me and could help me with all my problems. But now they’re all gone and I have no one. My boyfriend says he’s here to talk to me and be my best friend, but it’s not the same. I want a friend for myself. Someone to hang out with and talk to about everything and anything. But lately ive been painting my nails alone and just being alone. I hate it. I spent my first Saturday night ever alone because all my friends were at a party that I wasn’t wanted at and it really sucked. I’m so sad that I don’t know what to do or who to call. I just need a friend right now.

26th Feb 2012

It’s so pathetic how I can’t even write what I want on my own blog because I don’t want people to know how I’m feeling. Go me!

22nd Oct 2011 | 51,108 notes

‘Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her.

I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…

I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’

‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’

What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!

I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons.

—Jk. Rowling (via theearthturns)

(via resarose)

18th Sep 2011 | 47 notes

xoamberlynnxo:

This is Jamey. He committed suicide early today because people in his grade were bullying him because he was gay. It took this poor kids life for people to realize what words can actually do to some one. I never personally met him but he went to my school, his sister is in my grade. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what his family is now going threw because some stupid people had to be so mean to him, so mean that he stopped listening to his own advice and took his life.His sister walked downstairs this morning and found him hanging. How would you feel if that was you in there situation? Next time think before you say something and spread suicide awareness. You and your family are in my prayers Jamey. Rest in peace.